He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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