What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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