No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
