I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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