well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
