Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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