my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
