I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
