the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
