Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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