Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Ladies don't puke and tell
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
