i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I am never drinking with the goths again.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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