yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
