It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
