So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
