So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
