He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
