like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
