I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
