i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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