Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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