God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
