turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
