Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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