I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
