First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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