it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
