Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
