Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
