i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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