I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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