If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
