Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
