3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
