at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
