Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
