Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
