dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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