how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
