Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
my sisters under your porch take her home
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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