it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
There's a naked man in my car right now.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
