Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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