So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
