if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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