I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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