Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
