How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Randomize
