Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
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