you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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