dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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