can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
